The Instagram Debate
Backstory: I deleted my old Instagram about 3 years ago, as it was just too much for many reasons. One of the mains ones being: as a female teen, likes and followers were something that fed my ego and served as a source of false self-value. When going out with friends, I would find myself preparing with the mindset of taking photos that might add to my “coolness” factor- making a point to dress in my newest outfit or do my makeup just right, solely because I knew there were possibilities of taking pictures. When posting, I would overthink captions, obsessively compare filters, and even choose photos where friends didn’t look good just because I liked how my body looked, etcetera, etcetera. Other issues that came along with usage were mindless scrolling into a black hole, mood-defeating social comparison, the list goes on… I can almost guarantee that opening that app was one of the first things I did in the morning and one of the last things I did at night. Overall, my usage was a large source of feeding the negative parts of me, all while draining my precious time and energy.
There were many occasions in which I considered deleting my account, as I had already rid of Snapchat and Twitter years before, but the last straw was when I was studying abroad in Europe, seeing breathtaking beautiful places that some may never experience in their entire lives, and found myself taking more time to photograph myself in front of them for eventual show rather than just enjoying and experiencing them fully. Truth be told, I was missing out on living life to the fullest because I was so caught up in my social image.
The good news: I’ve most definitely come a long, long way from there and I know the deletion was completely necessary for my growth and for a healthier, happier version of myself. However, a few years later, with this landing into myself, has come an urge to share my message with the world and hopefully inspire others; and there is no denying that social media can be a beautiful tool to do that!
There have been multiple times in the last year or so that have sparked me to want to create an account again and start sharing... and then I always let myself and my limiting beliefs get in the way:
-Who do I think I am?
-People from high school, college, my family, etc. will judge me
-Fear of messing up: if I look too bendy in a yoga pose- I am flaunting or being unrealistic about accessible yoga… I don’t want to just look like another privileged white girl- what if I share on something where I have a blind spot?
And then there are the more legitimate personal mental health concerns:
-I don’t want to become a slave to my account, out of the present moment trying to collect photos, create posts, etc.
-Social comparison STILL EXISTS in new ways now (looking at other yoga teachers and thinking “Fuck, I’ll never get to that point… I should just give up.”)
Anyhow! This morning I woke up with a sudden urge to create a post with some Bob Marley quotes for his bday (he’s my name sake). It was the first time I’ve finally felt inspired to make a post since sitting on my account for several months. Then just before I was going to start it, I typed in one person’s name ... and there began the vicious spiral. It initiated with “Oh, this person’s doing awesome!”, then all the way down to “Oh… I’m so behind… I don’t want to try this at all anymore.”
The good news?! I noticed that feeling coming in and I stopped myself almost immediately. I closed out the app and put my phone away, started talking to my partner about it, then started writing THIS out instead.
My conclusion from writing? I genuinely do want to do this!! I want to share my voice!
So! The decisions I’ve made for myself:
- DON’T MINDLESSLY SCROLL!! Don’t do it! The second you catch yourself- STOP!!
- If you don’t want to be one of those preachy people, then don’t be! Just be you. Be honest, be authentic.
- You ARE a privileged white girl, but you’re not clueless to it. Just keep doing your best to open up to your blind spots. Be ready to make mistakes and own up to them.
- People are always going to judge you, no matter what you’re doing. Believe in yourself and your value; and you will attract others who do too.
- For now, agree to yourself to keep notifications off and only post when you’re feeling inspired. Don’t rush into it, don’t create a standard you’re going to feel enslaved to. Start slow and start small.
The other good news? Just through writing this all out, I have gotten my thoughts straight and feel ONE MILLION TIMES BETTER!
*I wrote this post back on February 6th, and since then I have gotten extremely comfortable sharing my voice on Instagram and now to blogs as well. I believe my old self would be both shocked with and proud of me (: