Why I Stopped “Going Out”
I always used to LOVE going out in my early college years. I loved the process of getting ready- dressing up and doing my makeup, the chaos of roommates running around the house borrowing clothes and asking how they looked, listening to my favorite pre-game music...the list goes on. Once we made it out, I thoroughly enjoyed connecting with others- strangers and good friends alike, getting goofy with my besties, and of course- most of all- I LOVED to dance! Going out and letting loose gave me the feelings of being young, wild, feminine, and free.
However, after some time of going out every Thursday through Sunday, it all started to mesh together and look the same. To be blunt, it got old. I didn’t want to get drunk, deal with drama and recover from a 3-day hangover to “de-stress” anymore. I wanted to relax, explore, do the things that made me feel GOOD. But I was also afraid of change...
Eventually, I began to resent making the decision between going out with all my friends or staying in alone every weekend. I remember I started to say to a friend one day, “I don’t know, I just don’t feel fulfilled...” She didn’t get it- she said, “Oh, that’s weird... I do?… We all do?” It made me feel like there was something wrong with me… I kept up with this pattern for quite some time until finally my internal voice was loud and clear- “This does not feel good anymore. It is draining me more than it is filling me up. I am not fulfilled with this lifestyle. I want MORE.”
At the time, I wasn’t ready to make some huge change all at once- that was too much. Instead, it was just these tiny micro-adjustments to come into alignment with my truer self.Slowly but surely, I started to simmer down the amount I went out, how much I drank when I did, and whether or not I cared about “FOMO” (fear of missing out). I began to create distance with the people who felt toxic; and slowly started to sprinkle in more weekend hikes, intimate gatherings, and one-on-one activities with the people that made me feel like sunshine. Eventually, I stopped going out almost all together.
I look back and I know that going out did indeed serve some purpose for a certain time in my life; and I am grateful for all of the wonderful humans and memories that came along with it. But at some point, it became clear that I could still keep them in my heart without keeping them in my day-to-day life. After all, there was nothing wrong with me, there was nothing wrong with them- our hearts and souls were just in different places at the time, fed by different things.
A few years later now, I can whole-heartedly say that I am a much happier, fuller version of myself; and the changes I made were most definitely for the better. It’s not that I never pick up a drink or enjoy a concert or festival here and there, but overall, I have had a complete lifestyle swap, one for the better. One thing I can also almost GUARANTEE- is that to many of the people who knew me then- I look like a completely different person now. However, the important part, is that NO ONE can deny that I am brighter Marley- radiating joy and love wherever I go. I could not be happier that I decided to listen to my inner voice and chase my bliss.